yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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