He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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