come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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