Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
