honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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