The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
