If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
