I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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