What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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