Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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