Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
