She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
