things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
