Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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