what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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