A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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