Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish you could order shots online.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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