Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
