ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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