If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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