so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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