Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
