i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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