what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
