My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
