I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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