Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
