i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
