she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
