Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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