You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
