A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
