Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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