I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
