But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
