its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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