i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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