My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
