Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
