Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
