Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
