I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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