6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
