I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
