who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
