is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
