I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
