I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
