it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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