There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
