sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
