Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it because I queefed?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
