I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
