I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
