i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
