another moral hangover. fuck.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
