I'm going to jail i love you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
