I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
