Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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