i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
