you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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