Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I understand Curling. That high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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