I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
