someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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