ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
