dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
