Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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