They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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