a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
