i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
