Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
