so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
