i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
