EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
