All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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