i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
