Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
