anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
